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Sunday, 11 March 2015
The most irritating aspect of knowing you have a job you hate is that it can make you feel like a constant failure. It’s that feeling of someone who has failed miserably.
That’s the situation I am in at the moment.
The worst part is that I can’t make my day better. I hate doing what I do and I hate the fact that I’m paying for that job.
It’s all a mess.
I hate the feeling that I should be at home with my dog, instead of working.
I hate the feeling that I’m not in control.
I hate that I’d rather ask for a pay rise than quit. (Which is one of the main reasons I’m not doing it…)
Friday, 9 March 2015
Oh dear. I let myself get caught up in a minor hysteria of which I’m ashamed.
I’m not sure which will cause more damage. Knowing that I have an anxiety issue will cause me to feel like a freak and be quite embarrassed.
So I’m currently having quite a few tests.
I don’t need to be in hospital. I don’t think I’m going mad. No pills will do much good. It’s more a question of being able to keep at bay.
Like the lack of control we have on Friday nights, there’s no escape.
I don’t like what’s happening. If I could stop it from happening, I would.
It takes my breath away.
I am most definitely looking for some support. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to feel like a freak.
I would like a hug. Someone on my side. An understanding friend. Someone who understands.
I don’t think I’m mad. I don’t think I’m in danger. It’s not as if it’s all getting bigger all the